Many men and women who have recently gone through a divorce are reluctant to enter into the social arena again. They often have negative feelings about themselves. First, they are older now than when they last were single and out socializing, so their looks have changed. This can cause consternation. There are often suffering from feelings of low self-esteem due to the failure of their marriage. If there are children involved in the family separation that can exacerbate the situation.

It’s important; however, if you should find yourself in this situation that you not become isolated, especially if you are a single parent. It’s easy to feel guilty leaving your children at home with a babysitter while you go out. After all, they are also dealing with the stress of the divorce. It’s true you do need to give extra TLC to your children, but you can’t forget that if you become lonely and depressed, you will not be as focused on them as they need you to be. Take some time for yourself and get out of the house. It’s okay to have some fun. You will probably be a better parent for it.

If you are not going out because you feel dreadful or unattractive, you can change that. Start by eating healthy and exercising. Plan fun activities. Make sure you get outside every day for an hour.

Money might be tight after a divorce, so you might not want to, or simply cannot, spend it on a babysitter. There are solutions. Perhaps you have a friend or family member who would enjoy helping you out by watching the kids. Another idea is to find, or start, a co-op babysitting group. Friends take turns watching each other’s children. Kids often look forward to spending time with other children, and you can enjoy the time away knowing they are safe and happy.

Finally, remember you are still a special person!

Get together with friends and family. If you have children spend quality time with them. When the time is right, get out there and start dating again. Life goes on!

The Dating Advice You Should Ignore

The process of divorce is challenging enough, and then you find yourself living an entirely new life with new rules. The post-divorce adjustment can be quite challenging, and we’ve seen plenty of our Riverside clients struggle to make the transition easily. Here are a few pieces of advice!

Jackie at Divorced Girl Smiling names three things you should NOT struggle with:

1. Guilt: Many post-divorce parents feel guilty leaving their kids for a short time to go on a date. Let it go! Divorce doesn’t mean you should no longer enjoy life. Find a decent babysitter and your kids will be completely fine without you for a few hours. Don’t punish yourself by not letting yourself have some fun too.
2. Money: Post-divorce or separation finances can be tough, especially if you’re a single parent or co-parenting. Instead of letting money stop you, bring the child to a friend’s house to be watched. Your friends want you to date and they’ll be more than happy to help! Or meet your dates on your lunch hour at work when your kids are already being watched.
3. Fear: Many people will tell you that if you’re scared you must not be ready. Not true! Everyone is going to be scared of dating, that’s also what makes is exciting. It could go well, horrible, fantastic… you never know. But don’t let the fear hold you back. If you made it through a divorce, you can make it through a date!

Dating Mistakes to Avoid Post-Divorce

Finding the right lawyer for you during a divorce is so important. You need someone you can depend on, and someone who understands your goals. This can be a difficult search, and if you find that this lawyer is not what you expected, finding a new one can be even more difficult.

If possible you should stay with one attorney throughout the entire divorce proceedings. Changing lawyers can be costly in time, stress, and money. Nevertheless, if you discover that this person is not dependable, nor trustworthy, get a new lawyer.

Here are some tell-tale signs that perhaps this attorney is not the best one for you are:

1. Gives you cookie cutter answers – such as, “This is the way it’s done”, or “Oh, they always do that.” These answers exemplify a lawyer who is not interested in your case; he/she is just out for the money.
2. Takes no responsibility – Constantly blames others when things go wrong. You might hear, “That was not my doing, somebody else made a mistake. You want a problem solver, not an arrogant pass –the-bucker.
3. Neglectful – Hard to get on the phone, or email not returned in a timely manner. You will be left in the cold, not knowing what is going on.
4. Deceitful – If he/she gives you pie in the sky adages, such as, everything will be great. Especially if you know that is not true. They are just trying to appease you, not please you.

You are going through enough; you need a lawyer on your side. If you notice these signs from your attorney, find another one.