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What to Expect When You're Divorcing

People always talk about what to expect when approaching a pregnancy or marriage—but what about a divorce?

A separation or divorce can be just as traumatizing or life changing as a marriage, but we don’t talk about how to prepare you hardly as often.

Mediator Elinor Robin, PhD recently wrote an article on this topic and we thought we’d share her information with our readers in Orange County. Divorce can be a whirlwind, so here are a few things to expect:

1. Have NO expectations for the court.

Don’t believe what you see on TV. The courts can move at a very slow pace and can be very complicated in the manner in which things are handled. There is hardly ever real “winning” in a courtroom. Most people lose in divorce. An attorney’s job is to make sure you “lose” as little as possible.

2. Expect to struggle.

Even those of us who are strong, independent individuals will need help. Don’t fight the need to reach out to friends and family. Those who love you will want to support you and you should let them. Don’t make the process any harder on yourself than it already may be.

3. Expect to feel like you’re losing.

Because of the complexities and emotional trauma that divorce can bring, there is rarely a time when you will feel “good” about what’s happening. Most parties just want it to end, even if things are going your way, so don’t expect any of it to be rainbows and butterflies.

4. Expect your emotions to creep onto your sleeve.

You might be good at hiding your disdain for your ex, but know that it will get more difficult. You should remain strong if you have kids and not come across as the bitter parent, but expect it to be challenging not to show your distaste for him/her.

5. Expect your children will need help.

That help ma come from your parents or friends, or it may come from a therapist… but either way the divorce will affect them. You can try to protect them from the backlash, but you can’t shield them completely. There are many licensed, experienced therapists and support groups in Orange County that can be very beneficial to you.

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