If you get to the point where there is no hope to save your marriage, how do you bring up the subject of divorce? Here are five suggestions. In every situation you need to find a quiet place for the discussion. Make sure just the two of you are alone and there will be no interruptions so you have plenty of time to talk. Be aware of using statements that are not accusatory, but instead discuss your specific feelings using “I” statements.

Here are five suggestions for discussion starters:

1. If your partner does not expect the breakup.

I know you have probably noticed that I have been acting differently lately. I’m sorry I haven’t shared with you my feelings. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, so I didn’t say anything, but now I feel I must. I think we both know that our marriage has actually been over for a while, neither of us are happy. It’s difficult to say this, but I think it’s time to call it quits.

2. If your partner has done something you cannot forgive.

I hope you understand that I have really tried to forgive you. This relationship is one of the most important parts of my life. I wanted to make it work, but I just can’t get over the pain. I still love you and I know you are a good person who made a bad decision, but I need to move on.

3. If you simply need to get out.

I have been avoiding this conversation for a long time. There is no easy way to say what I have to say. I just can’t be married anymore. This has been the hardest decision I have ever made. I know it seems selfish. You are a great person, and I don’t like hurting you, but I need a new start somewhere else.

4. If you have been hanging in there so you wouldn’t hurt your partner.

I know we have discussed this before, and I have tried to make it work, but it’s not working. This is heartbreaking for both of us. It is so difficult to say this, but a clean break is probably the best way for each of us to find happiness again.

5. If you need to get others involved.

I know we both have tried to work this out because we want what is best for our family. We have done all we can, but I really can’t be in this relationship anymore. We have tried to talk about it, but it never goes anywhere. I’m hoping that you will consent to counseling so we can come to some peaceful agreements.