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Helping Children Cope

Children look to their parents to help make sense of the world they live in.

For children of any age, divorce can be stressful and confusing. Many children feel uncertain as to their future; some feel angry at the prospect of their mom and dad splitting up – one leaving the household

While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen down the road. Some children even believe they have caused the conflict between their parents.

There are too many children who have experienced the dissolution of their family by the process of divorce. Did you know that 50 percent of children are growing up in a single parent environment? Children need their parents in order for them to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Divorce brings out the worst in people – they make mistakes, they sometimes lie, they resort to buying their love or demeaning the other parent. In their need to move on with their own lives, they may sometimes leave behind their children’s.

It doesn’t have to be this way. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your children cope with divorce and attending to all of their needs with a reassuring attitude, means stability for them.

As a parent, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support during your divorce, but you can do it; you can help your children emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong.

These are a few ways to help your children adjust to divorce:

  • Have patience
  • Give reassurance
  • Listen to what your children have to say
  • Don’t mess with their daily routines – gives them stability and structure; shows you care
  • Try to maintain a friendly relationship with your ex to avoid stress

In California, family law judges place the highest priority on protecting the children’s best interests during divorce. When issues regarding children arise, parents often have a difficult time doing what is truly best for their children’s welfare because they are so angry.

However, with the help of an experienced family law attorney, you can determine what best suits your family situation. Contact the compassionate family attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke. We will keep your children’s welfare as the top priority throughout your divorce. Get in touch with us today, and discuss your case.

We have offices in Riverside, Orange and San Bernardino Counties for your convenience.

What is a No-Fault Divorce?

Divorce is probably one of the most traumatic and stressful events that a person will experience in their lifetime. Most people are not prepared to handle the emotional, financial, and legal aspects of divorce without counseling and qualified advice on marital divorce issues.

California is a no-fault divorce state. No-fault divorce is when the dissolution of a marriage does not require a showing of wrongdoing by either party.

Since 1970 laws allow a divorce to be granted in response to a petition by either party of the marriage without requiring the petitioner to provide evidence that the defendant has committed a breach of the marital contract.

Before 1970, in order to obtain a divorce, one spouse had to prove that the other spouse acted in a way that caused the breakdown of the marriage, such as adultery, physical or mental abuse, abandonment, being held against one’s will, insanity, and the inability to be intimate with your spouse.

No-fault laws took away the need to find fault. It gives either party the freedom to sue for divorce with only the claim of “irreconcilable differences”, which may have led to the high rate of divorce in the United States.

Filing for divorce is not something to be taken lightly or without a firm understanding of the ramifications of each aspect of a divorce settlement.

Find out what your rights are before attempting to come up with a property settlement. Contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke. One of our attorneys can help ease you through the process while working to resolve issues to help avoid costly litigation.

Our firm is dedicated to putting our experience to work for you to not only protect you legally, but financially as well. We are dedicated to providing personal attention and understanding your specific goals and needs.

Contact us today at one of our conveniently located offices in San Bernardino, Riverside or Orange County.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Dating A Married Man?

Jackie Pilossoph from Divorced Girl Smiling recently wrote a post for women considering dating men who are “separated,” and we thought we’d share it here for any of you Corona and Riverside ladies in this predicament.

You went through the divorce process and stayed single throughout, and now that you’re final free you want to date again. You’re attracted to a guy (or girl) who’s separated. Is it ok to date him or not?

Pilossoph believes that people who are “separated” can be in very different places. Each situation is unique. Don’t be too quick to turn someone down because they’re still technically married, but be careful.

Here are a few things to consider:

Is this person emotionally ready to date? People who are recently separated and people who have been “single” for two years are in a very different state of life. So many simply don’t want to (or can’t) go through the divorce process yet, others are still emotionally attached to their spouse.

Is the person living with their spouse still? You need to carefully consider if this will bother you or not.

The couple may end up back together. No matter how “separated” they are, it’s still much more likely and easy to reignite a flame of someone who is separate vs divorced. You’ll need to come to terms with that.

The person hasn’t experienced the emotional trials of divorce. If you’re hoping he can relate to your divorce struggles, think again.Overall, there is no easy equation to determine if you should date someone who’s separated. But make sure to assess the situation truthfully and realize what you’re getting yourself into.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

What are the Steps for Estate Planning?

Estate planning can be an uncomfortable topic to address; however, it should not be ignored.

Every adult should have an estate plan. Whether your estate planning needs are relatively simple or extremely complex, you need a plan that is customized to your assets, family structure and your specific goals.

A properly created estate plan is necessary to ensure proper growth of your assets throughout your life, execution of your wishes in times of illness, and distribution of your estate after your passing.

A good estate plan details how to handle your investments, insurance, retirement, disability, and other assets while you are alive and after your death. It can bring peace of mind to your family and loved ones, and help keep you on track to reach your financial life goals.

There are twelve points to keep in mind while estate planning:

  1. Make a will – State who you want to inherit your property. If you have children – in the event something happens to you – who will be your children’s guardian.
  2. Consider a trust – No hassles in probate court for your beneficiaries.
  3. Health care directives – If you become unable to make your own decisions regarding your health, it is important to have someone to do so for you. These directives include a living will and a power of attorney for health care.
  4. Financial power of attorney – If you become incapacitated and unable to handle your own affairs, this person can handle all financial transactions for you.
  5. Your children – It is important to name an adult who can manage any money and/or property left as an inheritance for your minor children.
  6. File beneficiary forms – Name a beneficiary for your bank accounts and retirement plans. This process makes accounts automatically payable on death to your beneficiary.
  7. Life insurance – Something to consider when you have minor children, own a home and have significant debts that need to be paid.
  8. Final arrangements – Inform your family of your wishes regarding the disposition of your body, stating whether you want a burial or cremation. Do you want to donate body parts?
  9. Funeral expenses – Set up account to pay for funeral expenses.
  10. Estate taxes – The federal government imposes an estate tax upon your death, but only if your taxable estate is worth more than $5 million dollars.
  11. Your business – It is important to have a succession plan if you are the sole owner of a business.
  12. Storing your documents – Store important financial documents safely and securely for your attorney-in-fact and/or executor.

With guidance from an attorney who has an advanced understanding of estate law, you will be able to protect wealth, avoid probate, plan for incapacity, and enjoy peace of mind that your affairs are in order.

Contact the Family Law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke – serving the San Bernardino, Riverside, and Orange County areas.

Am I Entitled to my Husband's Retirement Account?

When choosing a beneficiary for a retirement plan, it is important to understand how your spouse will be treated under the plan.

Surviving spouses are treated differently under 401(k)’s and individual retirement accounts (IRAs). While a 401(k) provides protection for a surviving spouse, and IRA does not.

Most people name their spouses to inherit the funds in their retirement plan accounts, but even a spouse who wasn’t named as the beneficiary of a retirement account may have the legal right to claim the money.

In a traditional IRA or Roth IRA account, the surviving spouse or registered domestic partner is not automatically entitled to inherit the money – especially if the account owner designated someone else as beneficiary. However, there are certain limitations.

Since California is a community property state, the money in a retirement account may be owned equally by the couple. An IRA is an individual account, but if the contributions came from community property, such as one spouse’s paycheck, all the money in the account is considered community property – unless the couple agreed otherwise.

If it has been determined that the account is community property, then the surviving spouse is entitled to claim his or her half of it.

A 401(k) plan is set up for employees and they meet certain IRS rules in order to qualify for federal tax benefits. With this type of plan, the surviving spouse has the right to inherit all money in the account – unless the survivor signed a waiver giving up his or her rights and allowed the spouse to name a different beneficiary.

The survivor must have signed the waiver while the couple was married. However, if the couple signed a prenuptial agreement before they married, and one or both of them gave up their rights to the other’s qualified retirement plan account, it won’t serve as a valid waiver.

If you have any questions regarding estate planning, the division of retirement plans, what benefits you might be entitled to or how these orders get drafted, contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Sissung,& Block. We have offices located in Riverside, San Bernardino and Orange Counties for your convenience.

Divorce Rate Rising or Falling?

For many years the US Census and other data suggested that the national divorce rate peaked in the 1970s and has been declining ever since. This may not be true.

Sheela Kennedy and Steven Ruggles from the Minnesota Population Center at the University of Minnesota recently reported numbers that challenges this assumption. They believe, on the contrary, that the divorce rate has been rising over the past 30 years.

Their first argument against the data collected by the Census, and other such sources, is that the quality of the data is poor. They state that even the better data sources have flaws in the methods used to collect information and it’s distorted the divorce rate stats.

The Census also suggested that the divorce rate increased for people in their mid-20s and steadily declined with age. However, recent data suggests that the divorce rate has not been declining as steadily for those over the age of 35. In fact, Kennedy and Ruggles believe that people older than 60 are divorcing at a higher rate than ever.

What’s the real takeaway? Well, for those of us helping couples in Corona and Riverside, it’s that “divorce rates” can’t be the measure of marital stability. We try not to look at divorce as bad, but rather as a chance for positive change. While every long-term relationship ending is a difficult situation, the fact that our clients have the ability to end marriages that aren’t full of love or joy is a good thing. And we’re lucky to be able to help those couples go through the process as easily as possible.

About Dayn Holstrom

Dayn Holstrom is a hard working, compassionate problem solver who welcomes the opportunity to serve you in any way he can. His maximum availability to your questions and concerns begins with your free initial consultation. He is well-seasoned in all matters related to family law and a skilled negotiator and litigator.

Is my Child Support Affected if my Ex Remarries?

Child support payments are legally enforceable through court orders.

The parent who does not have custody is usually ordered to help pay for the expenses of raising his or her child, such as food, clothing, housing, and medical care. What happens if the mother of the child remarries and her new husband wants to adopt her child?

A child is the responsibility of the birth parents, not a new spouse for either one of the parents. A new stepfather is not responsible for children that are not his biological children.

Remarriage does not affect a father’s responsibility to continue to pay his fair share of the child’s necessary support.

However, the only way the biological father can get out of paying child support is if he signs over his rights as a parent. The mother has to agree to this as well. If the biological father is willing to terminate his rights, you may seek a termination of parental rights and stepparent adoption.

If the termination occurs, any child support obligation ceases. If there is no agreement, you must proceed with a contested termination of parental rights, which can be much more difficult. There is hope though – abandonment financial and physical may be a basis for such an action.

Then, if the stepfather adopts the child legally, financial responsibility of the child becomes his and the order for child support should be closed at that time for the biological father.

It’s not at all unusual for the non-custodial parent who has little or no relationship with his child to consent to the adoption of that child by a stepparent. Not always, but often, the adoption comes after the non-custodial parent has repeatedly failed to pay court-ordered child support.

In the event of a divorce between the mother and her new husband, the father who adopted the child would still have to pay support.

If you have remarried and your new husband wants to adopt your child, it would be wise to consult an experienced family law attorney to discuss your legal rights and options. Every case is different. Contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Sissung, Marks & Anderson for the help you need. Let us guide you through these complex issues so you can focus on moving forward with your life.

To learn more visit us online, send us a message, or call us we are Southern California’s Top Family Law Attorneys Holstrom, Sissung, Marks & Anderson APLC.

Managing Your Child's Technology

It’s a popular opinion that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. So what does that say about co-parenting…? Most people with children who have divorced or separated can attest the challenge that it truly is. It can take the complications to a whole new level. So we’re trying to make co-parenting a little less struggling for our readers here in San Bernardino County with a few tips. This article is brought to you by information shared from child psychologist Dr. Kate Roberts regarding how to manage a child’s use of technology as a divorced parent.

Joint custody is becoming more popular and often there is no “one parent” with primary custody. However, since parents often disagree this can clearly be a challenge. And now we add technology to the equation. In a semi-real way, when parents have different rules about technology use, kids can be switching from feeding their technology addiction to going through withdrawals when they switch households.

If you have different tech rules for your child than your ex does, here are a few tips:

  1. Accept the fact that you can’t control what happens at your ex’s house. It’s not your house and you don’t make the rules there, so stop trying.
  2. Focus on staying consistent under your own roof. If you stick to a policy, your kids will start to understand that that’s the way it is when they’re in your home.
  3. Expect your kids to pushback and struggle with your rules if they are stricter than your ex’s limits for the kids. They’ll want to get you to bend on your standards, but if you stay firm they’ll eventually accept it as fact.
  4. Don’t try to justify yourself, explain why your rules are right and why your ex’s are wrong. It’s not an argument worth having or one you’re guaranteed to win, so simply state that your rules are different than their mom/dad’s and leave it at that.

Can I Afford This Divorce?

My marriage is over, but these days, who can afford to move out?

Today, with the economy being the way it is, it turns out that in lieu of divorce, many couples simply choose to live together anyway.

The reason is that they believe they cannot afford to divorce and they choose to live together for financial reasons. After all, who today, can afford to keep up two residences? So, what can you do?

Not only is breaking up hard to do, but it’s expensive. A survey taken a few years ago by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers “found that in rotten economic times, divorce rates take a dive.”

In addition, with nearly one in five homes worth less than what’s owed on it, couples are forced to remain living together under the same roof since moving out is becoming a financial impossibility for many. How does one cope with this type of situation?

If abuse isn’t an issue, with a little amount of planning, a couple can live together, but separately, under one roof. First, ground rules must be set. Perhaps a neutral third party can help with that. As yourself the following questions:

  • Will you keep family dinners or eat separately?
  • Who will do the chores, cooking, cleaning?
  • Who will attend to the children? Take them to school, pick them up?
  • What are the actual living arrangements?

Once those questions are answered and handled, discuss your daily expenses. Do you want to keep your joint bank accounts or open separate ones? You must decide on how you will pay monthly household bills including the mortgage. Discuss other monthly expenses – expenses to keep the house running and your children fed, clothed and taken care of.

Credit is another story. Shred those joint cards and get new ones in your name only. If there is a balance involved, and you cannot afford to pay it off, ask the bank to freeze the account so neither party can charge anymore.

Now, if you just can’t live with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and want to divorce, live without him or her, but don’t think you can afford it, there are things you can do to minimize the effect of divorce:

  • Attempt to fill out the divorce forms on your own
  • Find someone who can put a value to your assets
  • Ask a realtor for an estimate on what your home is valued at
  • You can probably find an online child support calculator – determine what the support will be that you receive or have to pay
  • Look for alternative dispute resolution techniques

You have options. Try to resolve as many family issues as possible with your spouse. This will reduce your attorney’s billable hours and your overall expenses. This may seem a challenge, but it can be done with a little work and a little planning.

If you still have unanswered questions regarding a divorce, contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke for the answers and the options you have before you. We are conveniently located in Riverside, San Bernardino and Orange Counties.

Call us and speak to an attorney the consultation is free and confidential, or visit us online and submit our contact form.

Tax Confusion

When Americans think about taxes, confusion and frustration are usually two common emotions associated with the word. Where are my taxes going, and who are all the individuals that are benefiting from my hard earned money? But what if I told you that military retirement funds are now paying for the benefits of veterans and divorce?

According to an article entitled “Military Retirement Pay Veterans Benefits and Divorce Make for Tax Confusion,” a man by the name of Elmer Nuss, was divorced in the year of 1998. However, the court ordered that one half of his military retirement funds be paid to his ex-wife. According to federal law, a state court judge can order a split in military retirement funds be paid to the ex-spouse, as long as it is consistent with state Family Law principles. On the other hand, if a spouse is receiving disability benefits, it cannot be distributed to a former spouse. However, disability funds can be taken and use for spousal or child support debts.

The law can allow for a veteran to receive VA benefits, but that in turn reduces the amount of retirement pay the individual is currently receiving. This can cause issues for a spouse that is in need of a military divorce. One way to prevent this from occurring is fully educating yourself and entering into a property agreement that fully addresses what occurs when a veteran’s retirement benefits are reduced.

The way military retirement is divided to pay veteran’s benefits varies from case to case. Specifically regarding Elmer Nuss’ case, he did have to pay to his ex-spouse, but this is not true for every case.

If you are concerned about what will happen to your retirement fund after you divorce, or want more information about which retirement plans require what course of action, talk to an experienced Family Law attorney. Schedule an appointment with a law firm knowledgeable in divorce, money and property. Get a clear understanding of the law that may affect you if you are thinking about getting divorce.

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The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.