“I stayed with him for our kids” is an expression we’ve all heard. Most people can agree that a family with two parents is the ideal situation, but does that principle stick for a family with two parents who are only together for their children?
Nancy Pina recently wrote on YourTango that divorce might actually be a terrific thing FOR your children. She gives three reasons that we’ve listed below:
- You’re creating a negative “norm.” A relationship without love that is lasting “for the kids” is setting a poor example and standard for your children. They will naturally grow up believing that an unhappy marriage may be inevitable. Instead, divorcing sets the standard that they should be in love to be married. And it will ensure they don’t take the marriage vows until they’re as confident as they can be that the love the have will last a lifetime.
- Staying in an unhappy marriage will break you. Trying to “act” in love/happy in front of your child is more emotionally exhausting that one can imagine. It takes a great deal of energy to try to sustain the façade that you’ve created surrounding the most important people in your kids’ lives. Living in an unhappy marriage and having to hide that publicly will undoubtedly create emotional turmoil within, and you may take that out on your kids. In a way, you’re “blaming” them internally and making them the “reason” you have to stay in your marriage. That’s not true and it’s unfair to put that blame on them.
- Staying in a loveless marriage will make it difficult to show your kids proper love. To pour out on other people the affection and emotion they deserve, you need to be filled up emotionally in return. Acting as if your spouse loves you and visa versa is not only exhausting, but you won’t be satisfied emotionally. Divorcing may be the only answer to find inner peace and another shot at love.
