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Are You Holding a Grudge after your divorce?

Holding on to anger, resentment or bitterness toward your ex is only hurting yourself. We all know that deep down, but letting go of our feelings is easier said than done. You’ve been dwelling upon that grudge against your ex that’s buried deep within you for many years. Or maybe you feel like you have moved on. How can you be sure?

Author Rosalind Sedacca recently outlined three ways we can determine if we’re holding on to a grudge:

  1. Passive-aggressive behavior: You tell yourself you’re “over it” so your actions are subtle, yet you’re always finding ways to slightly “get back at” your ex. We all know what passive-aggressive looks like, but can we admit when we’re acting that way?
  2. Sarcastic remarks: Do you find yourself constantly being sarcastic around your ex? Is it to a much higher level than when you’re around other people?
  3. Being short: If you’re constantly “being short” with your ex, you’re coming across as annoyed or intolerant. You clearly don’t enjoy being around that person and you’re still upset at what happened in the past.

Ask yourself if these actions ring a bell. If you’re acting this way around your ex regularly, you’re probably still holding a grudge. And you know as well as we do that once the divorce is over, your grudge is only hurting yourself… not you ex. Let it go.

Child Support and Taxes

An attorney to help understand the tax implications of your child support order.

Taxes can be reduced by allowed deductions and exemptions. Deductions reduce the amount of taxable income, and exemptions reduce the adjusted gross income, such as standard withholding or dependency exemptions. If you pay child support or receive it, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has a strict set of rules in place to control the deductions and exemptions that you are allowed because of the payment or receipt of child support. Often, the terms of your divorce decree and related agreements will control the extent to which any tax offsets are available. For that reason, it is very important to consult an experienced Family Law attorney at Holstrom, Block & Parke in Corona, California, regarding the tax implications of the child support arrangements reached in your case.

Child Support: A Nontaxable Event

Child support payments are not taxable. That means the parent making the payments cannot deduct them from income and their receipt is tax free to the parent who gets the payments on behalf of their children. To meet the definition of child support payments, the payments must be so designated in a divorce or separation agreement. “Family support” payments will be treated like alimony and taxed as income to the recipient unless the agreement under which they are paid specifically designates a portion or amount as child support.

Child Support and Dependency

Even though the payment and receipt of child support does not create a tax event in and of itself, there is an important tax consequence related to child support payments: who gets to claim the children as dependents in order to receive the dependency exemption?

The IRS says that you must provide more than half of a person’s total support in a calendar year to claim an exemption based upon dependency. In order to resolve dependency questions about the payment of child support, the IRS has created a special rule that controls the circumstances of how and when the payment of support creates an exemption. The rule applies when:

  • The parents are divorced or legally separated under a decree of divorce or separate maintenance, separated under a written separation agreement or living apart at all times during the last 6 months of the calendar year
  • One or both parents provide more than half the child’s total support for the year
  • One or both parents have custody of the child for more than half the calendar year

The rules do not apply if support is determined under a multiple support agreement or the child’s parents were never married.

The special rule states that the parent who has custody the greater part of the year is the custodial parent and that parent will be treated as the person who has provided more than half of the child’s support. Unless the parties otherwise agree, the custodial parent will be entitled to claim the tax exemption for the child if the other dependency criteria are met. The actual number of days the child spends with a parent will determine the definition of custodial parent where custody is split or where legal proceedings make custody status unclear during any tax year.

The rule allows the non-custodial parent to be treated as the parent who has provided more than half of the child’s support for dependency purposes if the parties agree to that. In order to claim the exemption, the non-custodial parent must have either:

  • A written declaration signed by the custodial parent stating that he or she will not claim the child as a dependent
  • A signed decree or agreement executed after 1984 that states the custodial parent will not claim the exemption for the tax year and the non-custodial parent attached the appropriate documentation to his or her return
  • A signed decree or agreement executed before 1985 that provides for the non-custodial parent to claim the exemption along with a statement that at least $600 was in fact given in support to the child, unless there is a modification to the pre-1985 agreement that says that provision doesn’t apply

Non-custodial parents must attach the appropriate agreement or written declaration to their taxes. The written declaration must be made in a format that follows a particular form.

Talk to a Lawyer

Tax issues concerning support payments and dependency status can be complex. An attorney experienced in these areas can be an invaluable asset. Contact Holstrom, Block & Parke in Corona, California, for more information today.

DISCLAIMER: This site and any information contained herein are intended for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Seek competent legal counsel for advice on any legal matter.

Child Support For Special Needs Children

Divorce is an emotional experience for both parties. The challenges become even greater when the parents have a child with special needs.

Is a special needs child entitled to receive extra child support? What are the best interests of the child?

It is the right of every child to have high-quality, safe and nurturing child care because all child have special needs. However, some children, because of physical or learning disabilities, may require extra support in the child care setting.

Both parents have a legal obligation to support their children until they reach the age of majority or finish high school – under most, but not all circumstances. Issues surrounding financial support can be complicated and will be taken into consideration when determining how long the non-custodial parent must make payments.

When your child has special needs, the amount of child support may be higher and last longer than for a child without special needs; support payments may be required until the child reaches adulthood.

When your child turns to adulthood, the court determines whether or not he or she is disabled for support purposes. If the individual is unable to fully support him or herself due to a physical or mental disability, the non-custodial parent may be ordered to continue payments.

It is important to realize that unlike other child support orders, when there is a special needs child involved, child support for that child may not be terminated when the child reaches 18.

If you are the parent of a special needs child and have questions regarding his or her child support payments, seek the help of an experienced family law & divorce attorney to best guide you in the process and answer any doubts as well as help you ensure what is in the best interest of your child.

Contact the family law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke. The OC Attorneys to discuss your concerns about your special needs child, and guide you through the child support/ child custody process.

Custody Of Special Needs Children

What If My Child Has Special Needs?

Going through a child custody fight is a battle in and of itself. That battle is only intensified when the child has physical impairments, cognitive deficits or other challenges. A special needs child may require additional financial support, and meeting the child’s various needs can be a significant burden for parents.

There are many issues with a special needs child that are just not a factor in a typical custody battle. Access to any special medical care or child care resources must be taken into consideration, as well as the functionality of the child. Another point that will need to be considered is time. Managing a child with special needs can be very demanding and will require more time and resources from parents. The court will need to weigh all of these issues before determining custody.

Our Riverside Family Law attorneys at Holstrom, Block & Parke are experienced with child custody matters involving special needs children. Whether you are the primary caregiver looking for help to meet your child’s needs, or the non-custodial parent trying to avoid overwhelming child support, we can help. Call us at (855) 747-6225 or send us an email.

What Are The Challenges Of Custody With A Special Needs Child?

There are several unique challenges that apply to a custody matter involving a special needs child. Each child’s special needs deserve special consideration when developing a parenting plan that is in that child’s best interests. While legal custody relates to a child’s education, healthcare, and decisions of that nature; a more detailed plan must be formed in order to account for any special education or services needed by your child.

Joint physical custody may be difficult for special needs children who thrive on routine. Picking them up and changing their environment every few days or weeks can sometimes do more damage than good. Many times, the parent who is not granted physical custody can be hit will extreme child support payments, since raising a child with special needs generally involves more costs than raising a “typical” child.

Our attorneys are familiar with all these issues. We can help make sure that all your child’s needs are met after divorce, from quality time with both parents, to making sure that financial needs are met. Call our Riverside office today at (855) 747-6225 or send us an email online.

Divorce Finance: Staying Ahead of The Game

If you’re like Amy Koko, author of Ex Wife New Life, the end of your divorce may have caused some serious financial confusion. There are attorneys who, unfortunately, don’t assist their clients and prepare them for their financial future properly.

If that’s you, do you remember what it was like trying to adjust your life to your new financial situation? (We know some people don’t need to adjust at all, but that isn’t always the case.) You may have had to cut back on your groceries, your gym membership, clothes for your children, etc. It can be a serious challenge that you may not have been prepared for.

Koko states that for women (or men) living on alimony, there are two things they’ll need to understand. The obvious is the financial planning element: knowing your situation and adjusting your spending accordingly. The other less obvious barrier is coming to terms with the fact that you still financially depend on someone you’re no longer married to and probably don’t love anymore.

All financial plans and settlements are different, and it’s important to have a firm understanding of your finances as they are currently and as they’ll be in the future. Divorce is confusing enough, and you don’t need money to be another form of confusion.

Remember: alimony is taxable! Some women, like Amy Koko, find this out the hard way. If your ex was doing your taxes throughout the marriage, it might be quite overwhelming to try to tackle them yourself now that you’re divorced or separated. We usually recommend working with a financial advisor at least the first year on your own to make sure you’re on track.

Koko also provides an interesting outlook on being financially dependent as a divorcee. She states that if a company employed you and financially and you were dependent upon that company for 30 years, you’d have no problem leaving with a great financial package (i.e.- retirement). That’s how you can look at alimony: you earned it.

Divorce FOR The Kids

“I stayed with him for our kids” is an expression we’ve all heard. Most people can agree that a family with two parents is the ideal situation, but does that principle stick for a family with two parents who are only together for their children?

Nancy Pina recently wrote on YourTango that divorce might actually be a terrific thing FOR your children. She gives three reasons that we’ve listed below:

  1. You’re creating a negative “norm.” A relationship without love that is lasting “for the kids” is setting a poor example and standard for your children. They will naturally grow up believing that an unhappy marriage may be inevitable. Instead, divorcing sets the standard that they should be in love to be married. And it will ensure they don’t take the marriage vows until they’re as confident as they can be that the love the have will last a lifetime.
  2. Staying in an unhappy marriage will break you. Trying to “act” in love/happy in front of your child is more emotionally exhausting that one can imagine. It takes a great deal of energy to try to sustain the façade that you’ve created surrounding the most important people in your kids’ lives. Living in an unhappy marriage and having to hide that publicly will undoubtedly create emotional turmoil within, and you may take that out on your kids. In a way, you’re “blaming” them internally and making them the “reason” you have to stay in your marriage. That’s not true and it’s unfair to put that blame on them.
  3. Staying in a loveless marriage will make it difficult to show your kids proper love. To pour out on other people the affection and emotion they deserve, you need to be filled up emotionally in return. Acting as if your spouse loves you and visa versa is not only exhausting, but you won’t be satisfied emotionally. Divorcing may be the only answer to find inner peace and another shot at love.

Dying Before the Divorce is Final

The purpose of this week’s article is to reveal the potential problems that can arise, without the proper planning, when one spouse dies during the divorce process. Yes, death is a difficult topic to address, especially when coupled with divorce. But, the hard truth is that ignoring it does not make it go away. In fact, it’s likely that so many of this article’s readers are often confronted with the following recurring, nagging thought: “Tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I’ll put my will together.” Sadly, many people never get around to having their will drafted. And, as a result, the distribution of their estate may be averse to their unwritten wishes. In simpler words: Your coin collection, 69’ Camaro, and 5 acres of land in Arizona may not go to your son. In fact, if you are in the middle of a divorce, and you die without a will reflecting your current wishes, your soon-to-be ex-spouse could likely acquire the gifts you wanted to give to others.

It’s important to look at a few things here to set the groundwork. First, generally, a divorce in California takes six months and day for the couple to be “legally” divorced. So, after one spouse files a petition with the court to initiate the divorce, the spouses are now involved in a “dissolution proceeding.” This means that during these six months, and very often longer, the spouses are seeking assistance from the court. This assistance includes such things as temporary spousal support payments, temporary child support payments, and even requesting that the other spouse pay for attorney fees. All these mini-trials along the way occur before the divorce becomes final.

So, the salient question is—“What happens if I die after the divorce proceeding has begun but before the divorce is final?” Ready for this? Generally, it’s the same as dying like you are still happily married. This truth should be a great motivator for people to confront the reality of death and the increased hardship it can cause during divorce without the proper planning.

First, if you don’t have a will, or you had your will drafted before the divorce proceeding, visiting an attorney’s office to help you draft a new will is an important step to help ensure that your property, like your 69’ Camaro that you purchased before the marriage, will be given to your brother, not your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

Next, if you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse own a home together, it is likely that you and your spouse took title to the home as either community property with right of survivorship or as joint tenants. If so, it’s important to know the effects of holding title like this. Generally, and to keep this simple, it’s easy if you picture ownership as each spouse owning his/her own 50% of the house. And, if the spouses hold title in one of the two forms mentioned above, then when one spouse dies, the other spouse will take the other half of the house, thus becoming 100% owner. (Of course, there are a few papers to file with the court, but these filings are a topic for another article).

So, if you die before the divorce is final, generally, (without discussing the complexity of bifurcation issues), your soon-to-be ex-spouse may take your 50% of the home. Go figure. Usually not what people expect when seeking a divorce. So, it’s crucial to discuss with your attorney the possibility of changing your 50% interest in the home to tenants in common, which is another way to hold title to a home. This could prevent your soon-to-be ex-spouse from getting your 50% interest in the home as a result of your death.

In short, working with your divorce attorney as well as an estate planning attorney can protect many of your interests during the divorce. And, because these issues are complex, your attorney can help provide the proper guidance, like, in addition to helping you draft a new will, counsel you about how to deal with your 401(k) and IRA beneficiaries during the divorce proceedings. To proceed without an attorney in these complex areas can result in troublesome situations to say the least. So, during this stressful time of divorce, thinking about death as well may be the last thing you want to add. But, before you get too deep into this alone, please know that an experienced family law attorney, especially one whose firm also practices estate planning, is a phone call away to help guide you through this difficult time of dissolving the marriage.

Finding Yourself - Life after Divorce

Moving on with your life after your divorce is a challenge. It forces life event changes – whether you like it or not. You have gone through a major loss and the healing process may take some time. However, there IS life after divorce. Life after divorce is a process of moving on and finding yourself. It could be filled with the unknown but it could also have excitement. At this very moment, you may think your world is coming to an end – you are lonely, depressed, angry and just about ready to give up. You may even feel overwhelmed with issues and other arrangements set by the judge such as money, children, downsizing your family home, and who you are ‘in the now’. Hold on. Things will turn around and you, one day, will feel great – even– better than great. Once you get through the divorce process – the legal, financial and emotional aspects involved – things will get better.

Below are some helpful hints to help you feel encouraged – not discouraged:

  • Find a friend to talk to – share your feelings about what is happening
  • Write your feelings on paper – talk about your day
  • Hit the delete button on revenge – there is no place for revenge, especially when you need to concentrate on the future
  • Focus on your job – it’ll take your mind off divorce
  • Do stuff you wouldn’t do before – broaden your horizons – take a dance class or vacation
  • Be social – don’t stare at the four walls or the television screen

Even though you are no longer part of a couple, you are still a complete person. Take the time to find that new person and make yourself your number one priority.

Don’t Get Caught Off Guard

Life after a divorce is separation is going to be different. Different can be good, different can be bad… but either way it’s change and it can be hard to deal with. Lee Sears at DivorcedMoms recently wrote a post of the most surprising things post-divorce that she wasn’t expecting. We thought this information could be helpful so you’re not caught off guard by some of the life-altering changes:

  • You can do more than you think. You might feel like your ex handled finances, house repairs, cooking, etc. and that you’re helpless, but you’re anything but that. You can learn if you try, and when push comes to shove you’ll make yourself do it. There are always YouTube tutorials!
  • Friends aren’t forever. As much as we all wish they were, you’ll lose friends during the divorce process. Some for good reason, and many for not… it will happen. Don’t let it get you down. Think of it as an easy way to weed out the people who aren’t friends you want anyway.
  • Good men have boundaries. Men worth your time will tell you right away if they’re married. They do this as a sign of respect to their wives and because they know you’re single. If they don’t say, they may be a cheater… or they’re single and good luck.

If you are dealing with a divorce case or want another look to a finalized divorce case consider the law offices of Holstrom, Block & Parke, we offer the experience and understanding needed with such sensitive matters. Because this is a life changing experience we know the last thing you want is to be stressed, we have the resources you need to help you and your family cope and be able to live happily under the new circumstances. We will fight to protect you’re interest we know that the outcome is very important and it will reflect years to come in your life.

We are proud of our reputation for providing personalized service to every client. Our attorneys treat you like a person, not a case number. We understand that you are facing serious legal issues and it is our job to help you resolve them in the most efficient and beneficial manner possible.

How Can Women Increase Their Income After Divorce

Divorce affects everyone differently. For the lucky few, divorce is a relatively pleasant experience. Some individuals are able to amicably wrap up their relationship and move on. For others, divorce can be a tedious and stressful process. Individuals can get to such an unhealthy point in their relationship that they want to fight over every asset and issue surrounding the divorce, almost as if for sport.

Regardless of the type of divorce you are going through, there is often some stress related to the unknown because imagining life after divorce is impossible. On top of worrying about issues such as your future living situation and the effect that divorce may have on your children, there is almost always stress surrounding finances.

A lot of stress regarding finances can be overcome by increasing your income. Some of us are stay at home moms and some of us work either part-time or full-time; but even for those of us that work full-time, our family’s total income has likely decreased because we no longer have our ex-spouse’s income coming in. But how can we, as women, increase our income?

First, sit down and write out what marketable skills you have. It is important to actually write down what skills you have so that you can create a plan for yourself moving forward. Even if you did not work during the marriage, it is still likely that you have marketable skills. For example, a stay at home mom that helped volunteer as a team mom or helped coach her daughter’s soccer team has plenty of marketable skills. That individual has experience working with children, has the ability to coordinate events, has experience dealing with unruly parents, and has the ability to both lead and be a team player. These skills will transfer into a plethora of job opportunities that are not necessarily limited to the realm of sports. While applying for a job at a sports complex or getting paid to coach are some of the more obvious options, these marketable skills will also transfer well into other fields such as an event planner, babysitter, or customer service representative.

Second, look at your schedule and write down the realistic hours that you have available to work. It may be the case that you only have a couple hours on the weekends when your ex-spouse has parenting time. Or, it may be the case that you have to work from home. Regardless of how little “extra” time you have to work, any extra work you do will lead to an increase in your income and a decrease in your stress.

Third, start actively looking for a job. If you do not look for a job, be certain that a job opportunity is not going to just fall into your lap. Remember that creating a new opportunity for yourself will also help you to move on. This job will be something “new” that doesn’t have anything to do with your ex. This is a healthy way to start paving the road to creating a new life after divorce.

How To End A Marriage

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce, for most people, is easily one of the most terrifying things they’ll ever do. If you’ve been in that position, you may recall the need to be sick or the complete lack for words. If you’re wondering what to say and how to say it… this article is for you. Psychotherapist Abby Rodman outlines for HuffPost Divorce several ways you can end the relationship.

We’ve summarized her thoughts below:

  • If you’ve been staying married for his/her sake: remind him/her that making a clean break is everyone’s best chance at finding true happiness and love.
  • If your spouse has no idea you’re thinking of ending the marriage, apologize for not being open about your feelings. Realize he/she knows you’ve been distant and it’s time to explain why. Explain that poor communication is just one reason the marriage isn’t working.
  • If you’ve screwed up, own it. Tell her she’s been a wonderful spouse and you know that you screwed up. You may have done it because of the relationship issues but you realize that’s no excuse. Regardless of how sorry you are, you think it’s best for both of you to part ways.
  • If your partner is going to freak out and be emotionally unstable, preface the fact that it’s taken you a while to tell him because you know it won’t be easy. But regardless of his feelings, you need to do what’s best for both of you and you know he’ll recover and move on in time.
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The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.