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Infidelity & Divorce in California

Why Is It Important To Maintain Civility With Your EX?

Is marriage forever? For the lucky few, yes. Unfortunately, however, the reality is a significant amount of marriages end in divorce. Many relationships end because one or both spouses have been unfaithful. When infidelity occurs, it can make an already tough situation worse, especially when there are children involved. This is because, rather than completely parting ways, parents still have to spend many years, if not a lifetime, co-parenting, interacting with one another, attending events, family gatherings, and the like.

How The California Court Weighs Infidelity During The Divorce Proceedings

In dissolution and child custody proceedings, it may be tempting to assume that such unfavorable behavior would give the “cheated on” spouse an unfair advantage, financially, with respect to parenting time, and otherwise. It may come as a surprise then to find out that, generally speaking, infidelity will not have much of an impact on your divorce and child custody matter. This is because California is a no-fault state.

In California, divorce and legal separation are generally based on “irreconcilable differences, which have caused the irremediable breakdown of the marriage.” This ground is pleaded generally which means that you do not have to “prove” fault to obtain a divorce. In very rare instances, divorce and legal separation can be based on “permanent legal incapacity to make decisions.” Thus, informing the court that your spouse cheated on you will not get you very far. The court will not award you additional support or time with your children because your spouse was unfaithful.

The Specifics Matter – Make Sure You Consult With An Attorney

On the other hand, disclosing this information to the court may hurt you, at least with respect to child custody and visitation. This can occur if you start bashing your ex to the court. A court may, in some cases, feel that you are not co-parenting. This is because although health, safety, and welfare concerns regarding your children are relevant to custody proceedings; your spouse’s ability to stay faithful is not. Please note, you should always contact an attorney regarding the specifics of your case. Even though California is a no-fault state, your divorce attorney may hear other facts in your case that you may be able to use to your advantage.

3 Tips For Parents Communicating With Their Former Spouse

How To Maintain Communication For Your Child’s Sake

Ideally, parents will work together to amicably raise their child and will consistently make decisions based solely on the best interest of their child. Unfortunately, however, most parents struggle, at least to some degree, with “co-parenting”. The first thing to break down when working to raise a child in two separate homes is communication. The below are some helpful tips to consider when communicating with your ex regarding child custody and visitation matters.

KEEP COMMUNICATION RELEVANT

When co-parenting with your ex, it is important to stay focused on the relevant issue at hand, namely, your child. You should not make a practice out of bringing up issues regarding your ex’s personal life unless there is a strong nexus to your child’s safety or wellbeing. Bringing up irrelevant information may, in some instances, result in an unfavorable ruling in your family law matter.

NO “NAME CALLING”

Being disrespectful to your ex, even when it is deserved, will rarely if ever, help your case. While “telling your ex off” may feel good at the time, it is crucial to understand that this correspondence may come back to hurt you in the future, possibly in the form of an exhibit for the Judge to review. Moreover, even if your ex does not bring this information to the court’s attention, it is likely that you will have made your co-parenting relationship worse.

ADDRESS LEGITIMATE CONCERNS IN WRITING

If you have a legitimate concern regarding the health, safety, or welfare of your child, it is important to bring this information up to your ex immediately, preferably in a written correspondence. While it is hopeful that you will not have to go to court over the issue, it is important to create a written record in the event that your ex refuses to work to resolve this issue, and you have to move forward to get relief from the court. On the other hand, if your ex brings up a safety concern regarding the child to your attention, it is important to address that concern, even if it is an irrational one. Blowing off your ex will show the court that you are not willing to co-parent.

Please note, the above are just a few tips and things to consider when co-parenting with your ex. It is important to discuss the specific issues of your case with a trusted family law attorney.

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The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.