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Which Friends Can You Talk to During a Divorce?

By James Parke

Going through a divorce is obviously one of the worst periods anyone can experience in life. In fact, many have stated that divorce is worse than the death of a loved one because, in death, it is common for the survivors to focus on the "good characteristics" of the deceased while overlooking the faults. On the other hand, a divorce is a "death" of a relationship, but in that "death", the parties seem to have nothing good to say or think about the other.

Divorce brings out a great deal of anger, hate, bitterness, and resentment. Most mental health professionals will suggest that a person going through a divorce needs to talk about those feelings to a select group of close friends, people who know you and who will allow you to vent to them.

Here are a few tips on how to pick those friends to whom you may safely vent:

  1. Do not choose a relative or close friend of your spouse

The saying that "blood is thicker than water" is more than an adage. If you choose a relative or close friend of your spouse, it often comes back to "bite" you because of their allegiance to the other spouse;

  1. Limit the number of "close friends"

A good general rule of thumb is to ask about five to seven friends for permission to vent to them. Do not pick anymore, and try not to pick less than that number. If you pick more, then you lose "quality" control. If you pick less, the individuals that you chose are likely to be "burned out" by your venting, as there are no alternatives for you to choose; and

  1. Do not choose a family member

It is always surprising how many attempted reconciliations fail because one party's family refuses to forgive or accept the other party because of the "venting" which the relative spouse has done with them. Relatives are typically very protective and, if you vent too much of the "bad" things about the other party, they will never trust that party again; and

  1. Ask for permission to vent

Once the group of "venting" friends has been decided, be sure to reach an agreement with those friends that you will first ask them if it is a good time to hear your "venting" before you start venting; and

  1. Don’t discuss legal matters

Do not ask your friends for legal advice unless that person is an attorney. Asking advice of a friend about a legal matter like a divorce is like asking a friend who has had knee surgery if he would do some arthroscopic surgery on your knee. You would not do that, so don't ask your friend who has gone through a divorce to be your legal representative.

If you are currently going through or considering a divorce, don’t hesitate to contact our Corona divorce law firm to discuss the specifics of your case.

7 Ways Estate Plans Fail

Failing to plan is planning to fail. But just having an Estate Plan isn't enough.

Estate plans have to be regularly updated to account for major changes, such as marriage or divorce, the birth of a child, acquisition or divestiture of property, or changes to the law itself.

Here are some reasons that we've seen Estate Plans fail (and helped clients to recover from those failed plans):

1. NO HEALTHCARE PLAN

Do you have religious beliefs with regards to health care? Have you made a legally enforceable plan, or will you be at the mercy of others? Is there one person in your family that you would trust more than the others to make such decisions? (And if that person isn't available, is there a second person?)

2. IGNORING FAMILY DYNAMICS

No matter how “Leave it to Beaver/Brady Bunch” your family is, Trust Administration tends to bring out the worst in family dynamics, especially where multiple people share authority (sibling co-trustees).

3. NO PET PLAN

Pets are often closer to us than most of our family, yet many fail to plan for them. What will happen to them when you are not around? Did you even know that a pet trust is an option?

4. NEW OR VACATION HOMES

If you fail to properly fund, update, and maintain your trust, you will end up in probate, which defeats one of the primary reasons for creating a trust in the first place. Major financial transactions, such as purchasing real estate, necessitate a revision.

5. MISSED CHANGED LAW

Tax and probate laws change. If your plan is out of date it could cost you dearly in taxes or require your family to deal with costly probate proceedings.

6. MISSED LIFE CYCLE EVENTS

Marriage, Birth, Death, Divorce. Your trust is a living document. It is meant to grow with you. To most effectively carry out your wishes, it must be current.

7. OUT-OF-DATE ACCOUNTS

Even if you update your trust, you may still need to update your external financial accounts to account for changes in beneficiaries due to life cycle events. Where should proceeds from your life insurance, retirement, and other accounts go?

If you have an existing estate plan, whether we drafted it or not, bring it by and our Corona estate planning attorney will review it to ensure that it meets your needs and complies with current laws.

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The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.